disentombs | Duplicity inbox

He got a citation for it. [ she saw it on the post, it was hard to miss.] He keeps... [ she sighs softly, fingers tugging on her necklace nervously.] He keeps putting himself at risk. [ And it goes without saying, she's at risk too, as his Dominant.

Of course, that's not all and Gansey might be able to tell that too, especially after what she says next. ] It's just... every time I think I'm getting a handle on things, on this place... the ground falls out from underneath me.

[The second part is what he's after. He knows she's not this upset about Jughead getting a citation. After that brief glimpse into her memories, he knows this is not outside of the realm of Jughead's usual actions.

His brows furrow slightly.]

What happened?

[ Her mouth twists and she looks away from, looks anywhere but at him because she doesn't want him to see the shame and embarrassment and hurt in her eyes. She doesn't have anyone to tell this to. Gansey is... well, he's become her friend and maybe it's not fair to unload this on him but she feels so lonely...]

I made him promise... [ her bottom lip quivers.] When we first got here, I made him promise that he'd make his quota no matter what. I meant if something happened to me or... [ She sniffles, reaching up to delicately brush her thumb beneath her eyelid like she might be wiping a tear away.] He thought I meant something different.

Oh.

[This place wreaks havoc for everyone, no matter what type of relationship they have or how strong it is.]

I'm sorry.

[He doesn't want to speak for Jughead but he highly doubts it was maliciously intended. That doesn't seem to be who Jughead is.]

[ Maybe that's the worst part. She feels like she can't be angry at him for it. Not when she made him promise to do that very thing. It had been a misunderstanding. But it still hurts.

As soon as she lets the words out, she regrets them. Regrets airing their dirty laundry. And she shakes her head when he tells her he's sorry.]

It's okay. [ It doesn't feel okay right now. She takes a breath and gathers her composure, something she's always been good at.] I'm sorry, I shouldn't be unloading this on you, Gansey.

[He recognizes what she's doing immediately. Because he tends to do it too--taking things and shoving them down, not wanting anyone else to know if or how he's hurting.]

Clearly it's not okay. And there's nothing for you to be sorry for to me.

[ Avoiding his gaze, she tucks her hands into her back pockets because emotions are getting to be too big for her lately. Too much. Her lips press together and she nods, her face screwing up for a second before she tries to fight it off. ]

It hurts.

I know.

[not in the "personal experience" way. In the "I know you're doing what you're doing because it hurts" way.

He puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.]

Would you like to walk?

[any small activity to dissipate some of the tension she's no doubt feeling.]

Yes, [ she says, her cheeks coloring with embarrassment, but ready to follow him in whatever direction he goes.]

[He simply starts walking. Away from the library. Anywhere just to get away from where they started the discussion. They walk in the direction of a coffee shop he likes but only for landmark purposes. He has no intention of stopping anywhere unless Betty wants to.]

I'm sorry that you hurt.

[ she lowers her head for a moment as they walk and he apologies to her again.] It's not your fault. It's mine. I just... feel like a fool. I had no idea it was even happening and he never told me. [ Maybe that's what hurts the most. He lied to her about it and didn't blink an eye. It wasn't hard for him to do it at all.

And she wonders if she would feel the same.]

It isn't though, [and he says it so matter-of-factly. As Gansey does--as though it's an absolute truth.]

How could it be?

[ The way he says it almost makes her believe it... she finally looks over at him.] If it's not my fault... Then that means that I'm not enough for him, that he wanted someone else. Because he would have told me if he didn't think it was wrong...

Edited 2019-01-20 05:36 (UTC)

No Betty. That's not it. [He looks down at her as they walk, just making sure they continue to put one foot in front of the other.]

This place in general. The rules make things complicated for pre-established relationships of any sort. You can't shoulder all of that yourself. Especially not when there's another person and outside influences at play.

[ She's half torn between continuing to defend Jughead to herself, to justify his reckless actions because she loves him and being angry with him, more hurt that he broke her trust than she is that he was with someone else. ] No one was influencing him to have sex with someone else twice. I made him promise that he'd get his quota but I didn't mean for him to lie to me about it. There aren't any rules that say that he had to do that. [ she glances away, letting herself feel angry at Jughead for just a moment more..]

He may have misunderstood me but... he didn't have to keep it from me.

You're correct. And therefore not at fault, [he points out.]

It's okay to feel hurt.

[It's an odd thing to say but...he feels like it's something she needs to hear. Feels like it's something he probably needed to hear at some point.]

[ she looks at him again.] Easier said than done... believing that it's okay to be hurt.

I realize.

[They're so much more similar than they seem on the surface.]

I've always had to be perfect, to be the good girl who lets things just... slide. I've gotten better at not being that way but... it's still hard.

When you're expected to act a certain way, it's hard to justify feeling any way for too long, [he replies as a means of commiserating.]

[ She nods at that because there's not much she can say to dispute what he says. It's the truth, after all.] It's not that he was with someone else that really hurts. It's that he hid it from me. [ she glances at Gansey again.] Do you think that means she means more to him than just... a quota or friendship?

Did he come here before you? [He looks back at her, trying his best to be honest with her without speaking for Jughead. He does like the guy after all.]

Just a few weeks before me.

Perhaps it's leftover from when you weren't here and he hadn't found the right time to tell you.

Not quite an excuse, but a possible explanation.

It was after I was here. [ Her fingers adjust her sleeves, making sure they are pulled down still.] He said he did it because I made him promise.

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