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[ she lowers her head for a moment as they walk and he apologies to her again.] It's not your fault. It's mine. I just... feel like a fool. I had no idea it was even happening and he never told me. [ Maybe that's what hurts the most. He lied to her about it and didn't blink an eye. It wasn't hard for him to do it at all.

And she wonders if she would feel the same.]

It isn't though, [and he says it so matter-of-factly. As Gansey does--as though it's an absolute truth.]

How could it be?

[ The way he says it almost makes her believe it... she finally looks over at him.] If it's not my fault... Then that means that I'm not enough for him, that he wanted someone else. Because he would have told me if he didn't think it was wrong...

Edited 2019-01-20 05:36 (UTC)

No Betty. That's not it. [He looks down at her as they walk, just making sure they continue to put one foot in front of the other.]

This place in general. The rules make things complicated for pre-established relationships of any sort. You can't shoulder all of that yourself. Especially not when there's another person and outside influences at play.

[ She's half torn between continuing to defend Jughead to herself, to justify his reckless actions because she loves him and being angry with him, more hurt that he broke her trust than she is that he was with someone else. ] No one was influencing him to have sex with someone else twice. I made him promise that he'd get his quota but I didn't mean for him to lie to me about it. There aren't any rules that say that he had to do that. [ she glances away, letting herself feel angry at Jughead for just a moment more..]

He may have misunderstood me but... he didn't have to keep it from me.

You're correct. And therefore not at fault, [he points out.]

It's okay to feel hurt.

[It's an odd thing to say but...he feels like it's something she needs to hear. Feels like it's something he probably needed to hear at some point.]

[ she looks at him again.] Easier said than done... believing that it's okay to be hurt.

I realize.

[They're so much more similar than they seem on the surface.]

I've always had to be perfect, to be the good girl who lets things just... slide. I've gotten better at not being that way but... it's still hard.

When you're expected to act a certain way, it's hard to justify feeling any way for too long, [he replies as a means of commiserating.]

[ She nods at that because there's not much she can say to dispute what he says. It's the truth, after all.] It's not that he was with someone else that really hurts. It's that he hid it from me. [ she glances at Gansey again.] Do you think that means she means more to him than just... a quota or friendship?

Did he come here before you? [He looks back at her, trying his best to be honest with her without speaking for Jughead. He does like the guy after all.]

Just a few weeks before me.

Perhaps it's leftover from when you weren't here and he hadn't found the right time to tell you.

Not quite an excuse, but a possible explanation.

It was after I was here. [ Her fingers adjust her sleeves, making sure they are pulled down still.] He said he did it because I made him promise.

[Gansey follows her movements and notices how she pulls her sleeves down but doesn't dwell on it too long.]

Clearly some miscommunication happened. You can drive yourself insane with the mental gymnastics it takes to blame yourself, or you can acknowledge your feelings on the matter and see if Jughead's apology or explanation alleviate what you're feeling at all.

He left. [ she murmurs, looking ahead with a sigh.] He went back to the Down so he could clear his head or something. [ Instead of trying to talk it out, he left her alone in their home here to fret and wallow. And she's hating every minute of it.] So all I can do is sit and think about it because he won't talk to me, because I want to give him the space he needs but I don't really want to do that at all.

[He frowns slightly. Oh Jughead.]

We could always continue our investigation, if you're looking for something to do, you know. It sounds like you need a distraction more than anything.

[ There's a thought that rises in the back of her mind just then, when he says she needs a distraction. She does need one and the darker part of her wants to do something to even the score between her and Jughead, to prove to him that she isn't that perfect girl he still clearly has on some kind of pedestal, a girl that needs protecting or needs to be lied to.

But there's the other side of her that whispers that it's unfair to Gansey, to use him in that way. He's been a good friend. She nods at his words, one hand lifting to brush some hair behind her ear and perhaps he might catch sight of the wounds on her palms, if he's looking at her.]

At this point, I'll take any distraction which is why I thought we could apply for the library jobs today.

Edited 2019-01-21 03:13 (UTC)

[He's watching closer than she probably gives him credit for. Immediately on seeing her hand, he reaches out and takes it, examines it, runs a thumb over the healing wounds.

Gansey looks back at her, concern furrowing between his eyebrows.]

Betty...

[ He catches her off guard, so she isn't fast enough to pull her hand away from him before it's too late. He gets a good view of the healing, half-moon shaped cuts on her palms. There's only two this time instead of four but they aren't exactly discreet nor can she just explain them away.

Shame burns her cheeks and she swallows thickly.]

I... I get overwhelmed sometimes. [ Her lips press together and she looks down at her hand.] I think I'm just broken.

Edited 2019-01-21 04:11 (UTC)

[He steps in front of her and puts a hand on her shoulder, frowning slightly.]

You're not broken. You need a break. From this situation, from what was going on at home [referring to the memory he saw], just about everything.

[It's wishful thinking of course. This place is extremely stressful.]

[ When he touches her, she looks up at him, unable to look away this time.] And how do you propose I do that? [ it's not asked in anger but in exhaustion.]

A vacation. Maybe to the beach. Ocean waves are quite relaxing.

[He's grinning a bit--half facetious half not. She really could use a getaway.]

[ Betty has been learning Gansey's different smiles. As someone who puts on a facade for others, she'd picked up on the fact that he did the same after seeing his memory of his friend Ronan. And to be honest, even though he'd been friendly with her, she hadn't been sure if she'd ever seen his real smile before.

This smile is different, it's not one she's seen before and she feels herself being drawn closer to this boy who promises her comfort, who is part Archie and part Jughead. He reminds her of a time before Jason Blossom's murder, a time when she'd been in love with Archie Andrews and she was the girl next door and murder wasn't in her blood.

He reminds her of good things and he smells like mint. Her heart aches and she wonders what it would be like to be with a boy like him. Would it be like summertime adventures and milkshakes at Pop's? Would it be like there was no darkness inside her? It'd be like that comforting facade she couldn't keep with Jughead because he saw through her (Gansey sees through her too).

But his answer is so ridiculous and simple it makes her start to laugh. The sort of laughter that you can't stop once it starts. Laughter that keeps going until you start to cry because laughter feels almost wrong when your heart hurts as much as it does.]

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